Jan's look-alike.Pagbabalik ni Jan... permanently or temporarily?
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Ayaw na ayaw kong bumitiw kay Jan. Wala na akong pakialam kung masyado na akong napa-obvious na miss na miss ko siya. Siya ay ganun din. Di ako binitawan. Walang may gustong bumitiw sa amin.
Matagal bago namin naisip na bumitiw. Kitang-kita ko sa mga mata nina Kuya Bon na naguguluhan sila.
Ngumiti ako. Pinunasan ni Jan ang mata ko.
"KUya Bon... Feljan... Rey... si Jan nga pala. Bestfriend ko nung elementary... tsaka kaibigan din siya ni Kuya Paolo." pagpapakilala ko sa kanya.
Ngumiti sila. Tapos iniwan na kami. Parang nahulaan na marami pa kaming pag-uusapan.
Hinila ko si Jan.
"Dun na lang tayo sa kwarto mag-usap." sabi ko dito.
"Okay lang ba?" tanong ni Jan habang nakahawak sa kamay ko.
"Oo naman. Wala si Mama Tony. Tsaka kahit andito yun di magagalit yun." sabi ko.
Mabilis na pumasok kami sa kuwarto. Nilock ko ang pinto.
Pagkalingon ay hinila ako ni Jan sa kama. Inihiga niya ako at dumapa siya sa akin.
"You're much cuter than before." sabi nito.
"I miss you." sabi ko sa kanya.
"I know you do. But not as much as how I missed you." sabi nito.
"Jan..." sabay tumulo ang luha ko.
"Shhh... shhh... andito na ako... nalulungkot ka pa." sabi nito.
Pinilit kong ngumiti.
"I just wanna ask you a question." sabi nito.
"Ano Jan?" mahina kong bulong.
"Do you still love me?" seryosong tanong nito.
Tinitigan ko siya.
"Jan... I wanna tell you something first." sabi ko sa kanya.
"Yung tungkol sa inyo ni Paolo?" agad na tanong nito.
Tinitigan ko siya.
Umiwas ako ng tingin.
"Sorry." wala akong maisip na sabihin.
Bumangon si Jan.
Agad kong hinawakan ang kamay niya. Akala ko nagalit siya pero may kinuha siya sa bulsa niya.
Sulat. Binigay niya sa akin.
"Email ni Paolo sa akin. Pinrint ko." sabi nito.
Kinuha ko ang papel at binuksan at sinimulang basahin.
"Jan... How are you? Long time no hear from you. I don't know if you are still in Germany or you are already in the Philippines so I just decided to email you. I don't get why I haven't thought about this sooner. Maybe because what we had was not that special compared to what you had with Angelo.
"It's such a small world that the ANgelo you were telling me is actually the Angelo that was staying in my grandmother's house right now. I was able to meet him last Christmas and we were able to spend some time together. He's such a charming and lovable kid and I wanna be honest with you. I fell in love with him the first time I set my eyes on his cute face. I immediately fell deeper into him as I spend time with him and I really loved him with all my heart. I loved him more than you.
"We were shocked that both of us knew you and we were so emotional when we found out that we fell in love with you. Only yours was so sincere and deep. I was envious with both of you. My first reaction was to make him fall in love with me so he will fall out of love on you and I can have you for myself.
"But... my plan backfired. I ended up falling head over heels for ANgelo and that's why I loved him more than I love you. I had a problem but he helped me through it. He was so patient and loving and I couldn't have asked for a better boyfriend.
"He was kind and very good in bed. He made me experience the best sex I ever had. He made me happy emotionally and physically... (intimately)
"Several days ago, I left him. I left my grandmother. I left Iloilo because I have to go back and fulfill my promise to my fiancee.
"Yes... I am engaged now and in 3 days time I will be married."
Natigilan ako. Tinitigan ko si Jan. Parang kinakabahan ako sa susunod kong babasahin.
Hinawakan ni Jan ang tenga ko.
Bumalik ako sa pagbabasa.
"I have one favor to ask you. Several actually. First, I want you to go back to Iloilo wherever you are right now. I have included the address of my grandma's house where Angelo is staying now. Angelo still loves you and even if I am his boyfriend, he will choose you over me. He sincerely loves you. I may be jealouse and hurt to say this but I think he will never love me as much as he loves you. He may have several boyfriends but there is only 1 Jan in his life. I or anyone else cannot replace you.
"Secondly, I want you to be firm on your feet. I know you still love him so please man enough to stand up for him. I know that your parents are against your realationship but you damn well know that sometimes you have to stand up against someone to be happy. Your parents may not want you to be together but they would want you to be happy more than anything else.
"Also, I have attached a letter for Angelo. In case you meet, which I hope you would. Please give it to him. Tell him, I am not a good lover. Please love him more than I do. --- Paolo."
Di ko alam kung dahil kay Jan at di ako masyadong nalungkot sa sinabi niya. Para akong sumaya dahil sa pinilit niya si Jan na balikan ako. After all, si Jan ang first love ko. Kahit ngayon ay siya pa rin naman talaga ang mahal ko.
Tapos may binunot si Jan na isa pang papel sa bulsa nito.
"Ito yung..." di ko na tinapos ang tanong ko.
"Babasahin ko pa ba? Parang alam ko na rin yung sasabihin niya dito e." nag-aatubili kong sabi.
"Just read it. At least alam mo kung ano gusto niya sabihin sa'yo" pamimilit ni Jan.
Umupo pa ito sa tabi ko at inakbayan ako.
"Makikibasa ka?" biro ko dito.
"Siyempre. Tsismoso ako e. Saka di ko nabasa yan. Pinrint ko lang." sabi nito.
Kinurot ko siya sa tagiliran.
"Di ka pa rin nagbabago. Makulit ka pa rin." sabi ko.
Hinawakan din niya mukha ko.
"Di ka rin nagbabago. Cute ka pa rin." sabi nito. "Saka... masarap halikan."
Tinitigan ko siya.
Di pa rin ako makapaniwala na si Jan ang nasa harap ko ngayon.
"Gusto mo ba akong halikan?" malambing kong tanong sa kanya.
"Sa tingin mo?" balik-tanong nito.
"Hindi." sabay ngiti ko.
Inilapit niya ang mukha niya. Hinintay ko lang na dumampi ang labi niya sa labi ko.
Palapit nang palapit ang mukha niya. Hanggang sa naramdaman ko ang pagtama ng mga ilong namin. Umiwas doon at unti-unting nagdampi ang mga labi namin.
Napapikit na ako. Para akong dinuduyan sa langit. Inangat ko ang mga braso ko at pinulupot sa batok ni Jan.
Naglabanan ang mga labi namin hanggang sa nakisali pa ang mga dila namin. Walang tigil ang pag-espadahan ng dila namin.
Halos mawalan kami ng hininga nung naghiwalay ang mga labi namin.
Habol hininga kaming dalawa.
"Bakit?" tanong ko nung binawi niya ang mga labi niya.
"Ang sulat?" pagpapaalala nito sa sulat ni Kuya Paolo.
"Oo nga pala." sabi ko.
Binuksan ko ang mga na-print na sulat ni Kuya Paolo.
"Babe... ANgelo... Kumusta ka na? I have a lot to apologize for. I know that if you're reading this, that means, you and Jan are together again. Also, by this time, I am already married. That is what I want to apologize first. I know that we had a lot of good times together and that even if we didn't have the perfect relationship and we had some lows... we had a happy life together.
"When I first saw you, you are already my crush and as time went on, when I was able to spend more time with you, I cannot stop myself from loving you. It was so hard to keep it. When I knew that you and Jan were lovers, I was so jealous. I had this plan to keep you from loving him. That's when I decided to make you fall in love with me. I know I succeeded but I fell in love with you more. After that, I just loved you because I love you.
"I also want to apolize for what happened with Catalina. That was just a rebellion on my part because that's when I had been thinking that even if I showed you how much I love you, I can still feel that a part of your heart is still with Jan and that I may never be able to fill that. That's why I looked for comfort with Cat, but she abused it and got obsessed and in the end nadamay ka pa sa gulo, but still you helped me through it.
"I also apologize that I won't be able to tell you that I won't be coming back. I know it may seem selfish but I know that you knowing this through Jan would be easier to accept than you knowing from me that I won't be coming back.
"I am also sorry that I have to use Jan as a way for me to convey my message to you. But I know this is the only way for me to make you happy. He will make you happy.
"I am sorry that I cannot say sorry to you personally because I am a coward. But most of all, I don't want to see you cry. Thank you for everything and hope that soon you will learn to forgive me. I love you... but I guess now... I loved you is the better way to say it. Paolo"
Tinupi ko ang papel. Sa totoo lang, di ko alam kung ano irereact ko.
Tiningnan ko si Jan. Wala na kasing laman ang isip ko kundi sobrang saya na nasa tabi ko na si Jan. Di ko magawang magalit kay Kuya Paolo na iniwan ako at nagpakasal. Para sa akin walang mas importante kundi ang taong mahal ko noon ay nasa harap ko.
"Jan... do you love me?" balik kong tanong sa kanya.
Tumitig sa mga mata ko. Kumindat.
"I never did forget how much I love you." sabi nito.
"Pero paano sina Tito Edward at Tita Anna?" tanong ko dito na ang tinutukoy ay ang mga magulang niya.
Tumahimik siya. Matagal bago nagsalita.
"Di ko pa alam kung ano gagawin ko para payagan nila akong maging tayo. Pero pwede bang ngayon e wag muna natin pag-usapan yun? Ang importante e magkasama tayo ngayon."
Humiga siya sa kama at tumabi ako sa kanya. Yumakap ako sa dibdib niya.
"Jan... I miss you so much." sabi ko.
"I miss you to my angel." sagot nito at humarap sa akin para yakapin ako. "Does this mean boyfriend mo ako ulit?"
Nanlaki ang mata ko sa tuwa.
"Boyfriend? Di ba asawa na kita?" nakangiti kong tanong.
"Ah oo nga pala ano. At wala pang divorce sa Philippines kaya mag-asawa pa rin tayo." lokong sagot nito.
Wala akong naisagot. Niyakap ko siya.
"I love you Jan." bulong ko habang nasa dibdib niya ang mukha ko.
Hinalikan niya ang buhok ko.
"I love you too Gel... I always do." sabi nito.
END... yun sana ang pangarap kong sabihin pagkatapos nito... kaso di pa end e.
!!!Not for reposting!!! Please? This is a personal story. Not fiction so please do not re-post as your own. Thank you.
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