Thoughts (April 10, 2012) Dark Angel Thoughts: Truth or Lies

Dark Angel Thoughts... Truth or Lies???


I admit that questions regarding the truthfulness of my stories really hurt me.  But I cannot just be quiet with all the accusations that my blog is facing.


I have listed all the questions that I usually face here and I will answer.


1) Is my name really Angelo? - Yes, my name is Angelo, not a nickname but my real name.  However, I cannot say my full name, last name, middle name or if my first name is just Angelo or if I have another name.


2) Why can't I say who I am? - First of all, I do believe that as a private person, everything I do and I am is totally private.  Celebrities like singers, actors/actresses, or even politicians, even if they are public figures, still have their right to privacy.  How much more I, who is never a celebrity.  Also, disclosing what my real name is will also reveal everything about me entirely, my friends, my family, my previous and current boyfriends, my work, my school, everyone and everything in relation to me.  My purpose of writing my story in this blog is to share my experience and never to include anyone else in my life and drag them along.  Everything that happened to me is nothing that I can always be proud of.  My life was full of flaws and dragging people related to me along this will not make me happy.  If in any case that my private life and the people in it will be disturbed because of this blog, I will not hesitate to stop writing or posting here and I know that we don't want that.


3) Are the names in my story true? - Again, if you will base on my previous answer, you would have an idea that I will not put ALL real names here because, that would really be another clue.  All I can say is that 50% of the names here are their real names, and 50% are only similar names.  For example, if I put a person's name as Ray, he can either be really Rey, or may have similar name such as Ray, Raymond, Raymart, et.al. but I never change the name entirely.


4) Are the things in here true? - Sometimes, I don't specify the place. But if I do, it's true.  Some of the places however, I cannot specify like the name of the school, the seminary, etc. because that would really give a lot of clues.  But with regards to the dialogues, words, etc. I can say that they were really spoken but in Hiligaynon (dialect of Iloilo) and as we all know we don't have exact translation of all our words.  Also, these things happened more than a decade ago, which means there is a chance that the exact dialogue is not entirely correct.  But, I always try to dig deeper into my thoughts of what really happened and was said so I can relay them to you correctly.  But I don't remember the exact dialogues 100%, my brain is not perfect but I can assure you that I have a very good memory.  I can even recall some of the color of the clothes I wear on some occasions I stated in my story. 


5) If all of these are true, does that mean there are already a lot of gays at that time? - This question really made me laugh.  One because growing up in Iloilo, the culture there is not as liberated compared here in Manila.  Being a gay there would really raise someone's eyebrow and people that time, would not accept you as readily compared now.  Also, most of the people mentioned in this blog are in their puberty age where we all experience identity crisis and great urge for sex since this is also the times we experience urges. Some of the characters I mentioned here in my blog are as I have checked have totally went out of the closet, some of them became very effeminate in short "Nagladlad", others still stay in the closet and only show their true color to their friends and sexmates, some became sure of the sexuality as real straight men and have already married, and some, became "Paminta".  Who are these people? I won'y disclose, maybe in the future posts.


6) So does this also mean, there are a lot of pedophiles that time? -  Since I was a minor then, some of the guys I had sex are in legal age, so they may be pedophiles.  But if they are only pedophiles? I doubt it, as I know, sex and love doesn't consider age.  Even I now that I am more than 20 years old, also have a crush on some high school boys.  Attraction is not considerate of age, it depends on our admiration for beauty, physical, mental or emotional.  I doubt that neither of you didn't have a crush who's young/younger.


7) Why can't I show my face? - Simple, right to privacy.  But also, I know that everyone has their own perception of beauty, so I may look okay for some, but not for the others.  So in order for my blog to have an open mind, I decided not to show my face.  At least, you can let your imagination wander on what Angelo looks like.  If you want to imagine me as cute/handsome/ugly/fat/thin/macho/etc. it's up to you.


8) Why can't I meet anyone? - Simple, when I started my blog, I asked my boyfriend's permission because I know that this kind of things, I don't decide on my own. One thing he asked me is that I should never meet anyone.  Which is why I don't give my Facebook name.  I may be loyal to my boyfriend but of course, in this gay world, if I can give my boyfriend assurance aside from being loyal to him, that would really help us.


9) Am I doing this blog to be popular? - (Laugh) (Laugh again) Popular? How can an unknown person who you all know by a name of Angelo be wanting to be popular?  If I want to be popular, I would put my picture and real face here. That would make me popular.  I am only writing to share my story with you. If you don't like my story, I won't force you to read. But if you do, then I thank you deeply because at least I will be able to extend to you my experience and thoughts regarding life as a member of the third sex.


10) Should you read Dark Angel Thoughts as a fiction or true story? - For me, I would appreciate it if you would read it as a true story because it is.  It will be easier for you to relate into my story because I pour all my feelings when I write my posts.  However, I can't really force people to change their opinion because that't not what I am.  If you can't accept it as a true story then it's up to you to read it as a fiction.  There would be no change in the story but there would be a change in how you would perceive things written there.


11) What can I say to those who keep on arguing and doubting that this is not true? - Well, I know and have researched in college that as member of gay sex, we always feel superior towards others, we feel that we are better in all aspects, we dance better, we draw better, we design better, we sing better, we act better than any gender, however, optimizing this feeling makes us feel that we are and should also be better than the other members of the third sex.  In short, we feel we are better than anyone.  Being always insulted and laughed at and not accepted in the society made us gays/bi's (whatever label you want to put on yourself), feel less in the society so we force ourselves to be better than anyone.  We tend to prove to everyone that we cannot be insulted or looked down on by always feeling better to almost perfect.  This is the reason why most gays are "mataray" so that people cannot easily berate us.  This is also the reason why we tend to think always high of ourselves.  


Just like in my story.  Some gays would say that this didn't happen because there are very much of sex happening in a young age.  True, there are too much sex happening but can I change my story just so to be parallel to how your sexlife was when we were in the same age? No. I can't and I won't.  But to tell you, there are other people who have more and better sex life than me in a much younger age.  It doesn't mean that if it didn't happen to you, it never happened to me or anyone else.  


Also, some readers say that how can two people so young fall in love? Luck, maybe. I just had a good luck... that time. Why I say that time? You think that I feel good having that kind of experience at an early age? Hell, no! At the age of 20 or 30, when we have our heartbreak, we still feel too much pain, even after years of falling in love. We even feel so bad even if we only had a relationship with a person for a month.  How much more, a relationship for more than a year, at an early age? Don't you think that that feel too much worse? So is it good luck? I really disagree. Being exposed to that kind of despair at an early age is not really good/ Honestly, it took me 10 years before I can totally accept it.


12) Would it be easier to prove if I just show my face and tell my real name? - No.  I won't do it to please anyone. If readers cannot accept this story as it is, then it's up to you.  You can stop reading if you want.  I don't need followers who at the end of every story would just smirk and frown and say "Asus, di naman totoo ito eh." because I didn't write this to prove to anyone that I am better, that I have a more active sexlife, that I have loved and hurt more than anyone.  No. I didn't.  I won't care if I have 2 or 3 readers, if those readers are whole-heartedly reading my story.  I don't need a thousand followers if those followers are just here to berate me, my story and my blog each day.  It's not my loss anyway.  It might be not your loss either but at least I was able to write my story while you won't be able to read it. Yeah, it's your loss.


Again, fiction or truth, I don't have to prove it.  It's up to you.  Just read my story.  By how fast/slow this story goes, since in the story, I am just in 1st year high school, hmmm... I still have around 15 years of story to share with you.  Just be patient... I am not dead yet so my story still goes on.


Thank you all.


==========================================


Special mention to Arden, take care always.


L.J. who's reading my posts while on his graveyard job. Kieth na makulit and Kevin na mabait... I miss your text.


John_pogs... text me asap.